That said, [as you know] all consumers are not cut from the same cloth. Some consumer goods firms, for example, have been very successful identifying segments of similarly minded customers and actually developing a relationship in which both the buyer and the marketer benefit. P&G’s Home Made Simple is a good example. Like P&G, the companies that are doing this successfully are aren’t simply hawking their products (look at the at the HomeMadeSimple site and you won’t even see a single product above the fold). They focus on the common interests of the customers that seek to engage. Customers get tips on managing their household, decorating, healthy living and that sort of thing as well as coupons to try new products (but, again, the product marketing appears secondary). P&G gets valuable market research information and a group of customers that are convinced that the P&G is genuinely interested in them.

To translate this specifically to your situation (high tech software), you certainly have special interest groups within your client base. You could develop communities that are focused on topics like: marketing process & productivity, marketing analytics, campaign effectiveness, etc… You could provide content, facilitate dialog (e.g., best practice sharing, tips for taking your usage of the software to the next level, etc.), and provide networking opportunities.Clearly your clients would benefit from this. But the benefits are there for your company as well. Great insight into how your clients are really using the software, great insight for product development planning, etc.

I’m going to take a controversial view. I’m not sure all customers want a relationship or dialog with their suppliers — some maybe yes (as per your post on whether or not a company is selling a considered purchase or not). They do want products and services that meet their needs, and marketing that is relevant (or at a minimum interesting!) but they don’t always want to dialog or be bothered spending much time thinking about us (marketers/products) at all. I think it depends on the customer, the product, etc.
I also, personally, am a little tied of all the analogies to “personal relationships” (men/women mostly). I generally try to route this out of the marketing that Unica does (but I miss some of the ones that go out).
Just my 2, controversial, cents.